your standard blah blah blah

as if i have anything left to say after a livejournal, an opendiary, a journal option at deviantart, various message boards, and my paper journal.

maybe i really think i'm just this damned interesting.

actually, i know what it is. it's that eternal feeling of "maybe THIS time, i can say everything i want. maybe this one will be home." and it isn't, and i know it, but here we are anyway. i long for somewhere i can really just say what i want, no matter how ridiculous, self-indulgent, despairing, tactless, greedy, or pathetic i sound. somewhere where i will not constantly be paranoid that i'm pissing someone off by being honest.

one would THINK that my paper journal would fill that hole, but it doesn't, really. it's more cryptic than the others, if anything, and less about my feelings than just my thoughts.

not sure what i'm getting at, other than i'm stupid and avoidant, and want to feel like i'm being totally honest without actually talking to anyone.

and anyway, what would become of us all if the first post in a journal didn't reference the fact that it was the first post in a journal?